You are not alone in the wilderness

January and February are typically really difficult for me. I struggle mentally, physically and emotionally.

 

First, we are coming out of the crazy busy of the November-December holidays. As much as I try to prepare ahead to avoid the rush and hustle of the season, we typically end up running from one activity, party or family gathering to another trying to fit it all in. Once the kids go back to school, after the Christmas and New Year break, and I finally slow down, everything just sort of hits me. 

 

Second, I’ve noticed that the really cold Michigan weather causes my Hashimoto’s symptoms to flare up. My body just needs more love and attention at this time of year in order to regulate my internal thermostat, keep me warm, and keep me on my feet.

 

Finally, I love being at home! I am typically a homebody. A true introvert who is completely happy being in my “natural surroundings”. It doesn’t bother me to be inside avoiding the cold, snow and grayness of the season. Now, this may be good on some levels, but taken too far, it becomes a problem. I end up closing myself off to the outside world and I can easily become depressed without even realizing the slippery slope I am walking.

This year the long winter season seemed particularly difficult for me. Not only was I mentally and physically weak, I was struggling spiritually too. I just felt grey. I had no desire or energy to pray, paint, write, read… all things that would help me. I couldn’t find my way out of the fog. And, because I was so mentally and physically exhausted, my morning devotions and quiet time suffered too. Everything added up, resulting in a very dark time for me. 

 

I’m not sure why, but when I get into these seasons I push everyone, including God, away. It’s like every part of me just shuts down and I can’t find my way out. 

 

This year, I found myself getting really angry and frustrated with God. There were so many prayers that I had been praying for so long, so many tough situations that hadn’t changed or improved and I had reached my breaking point. I had trouble finding TRUTH in that place.

 

I truly felt alone, forgotten, unloved, lost, wandering, directionless, empty. It was a wilderness season.

 

I recently came across this quote that perfectly describes my feelings towards my own wilderness. “The wilderness is an unpleasant place, fleshly speaking. We naturally want prosperity, health, and easy going. But the same God who created the garden also created the wilderness. There will be times of trial and pressure. Our faith will be tested. But the God of grace will meet us even in the wilderness. Missionary Amy Carmichael knew this truth: “Bare heights of loneliness . . . a wilderness whose burning winds sweep over glowing sands, what are they to HIM? Even there He can refresh us, even there He can renew us.”    

 

What I discovered from this season is that God is there, even in the fog. He never leaves us alone in the wilderness. 

 

Lessons learned in my wilderness:

 

• When the people of Israel were in the wilderness, he led them day and night. His presence was seen as a pillar of smoke by day and fire by night. He didn’t tell them where they were going, He led them one step at a time. There are times when we have to walk in obedience to the light that God has given us before He sheds more light on our path. 

 

• He provided manna for them to eat. They had clothes and shoes. They had tents to live in and beds to sleep in. He met ALL of their needs, he never left their side or left them to fend for themselves. 

 

• Even in the wilderness he refreshes us.

 

• Don’t be afraid to turn to him and ask for help. We are not alone, we are more dependent on him during these times. That is when a sweet relationship with God can strengthen. But don’t hide. We need community, support and encouragement from others.

 

• Follow Him… don’t look to others and what they are doing or where they are going. Don’t be distracted by the shiny things! The world will pull you off course. He has a specific plan and purpose for YOU that will ultimately build up the body of Christ and bring unity. Stay on your path by following him. Listen to him and his leading. His way is good and right!

 

• Do not worry about tomorrow. Matthew 6:25-34 The people of Israel were instructed to only gather manna for today. So often I focus on my needs or my challenges of tomorrow, or next week. I end up missing the manna for today.  

 

• Time in the wilderness IS NOT WASTED. God uses all things for our good. Romans 8:28 He uses the wilderness to teach us dependence on Him, to mold us into the person we are meant to be, to make us more like Him.

 

• He uses the time in the wilderness to prepare us for the Promised Land. God knows exactly what we will face there. He knows what skills, knowledge and wisdom we need and He grows us so we are stronger and ready for what lies ahead.

 

 

I would like to say that all of those prayers have been answered. All the tough situations resolved, but they aren’t. The grey has lifted slightly, but I’m still waiting. God recently brought this song to mind and the lyrics felt like manna to my weary heart. 

 

And You who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep, Your promise to me
That I will rise, in Your victory

 

So take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting
He’s in the waiting
And hold onto your hope
Watch your triumph unfold
He’s never failing
He’s never failing

 

Take Courage by Bethel Music

 

The wilderness can be dark and gray, but it can also be beautiful. We may just need to look a little harder to find the manna and the blessings.

 

One wonderful thing that came out of my recent wilderness season is a series of paintings. I will be releasing them to my art insiders first. If you want an exclusive sneak peek at the series, make sure you sign up here: